So three weeks ago when CNN had their Republican debate we had the DVR all set up, the show comes on and it's recording and everything is fine, it was a beautiful day in San Francisco...meaning the weather was shitty as always...I had just started making Chili, my mother's recipe, with a few additions on the recommendation of Guy Fieri I have the meat cooking...I have a cocktail, The Husband is on his way home, everything is good.
I'm watching the show and Perry starts ripping on Romney because he apparently hired an illegal alien, I'm like, "Oh girl, no he didn't" because then he wouldn't let Romney reply...I'm thinking to myself, maybe I should make a bowl of popcorn, because this is better then those screaming bitches on The View. The Husband comes in and I'm like, "ooo, ooo, ooo you have to see this!" I rewind the DVR, The Husband is all excited, He's like, "OMG." I'm like, "I know!"
Lights flicker....power outage...The Husband screaming at the blank TV...."NO! YOU ASSHOLE!"
Lights Flicker back on...but their supper dim, the TV won't turn on...The Husband is fiddling with the remote, then touching the power button on the TV. Looks at me, "It won't work...make it work! You always make everything work." It's true. I fiddle with the power cable, nothing happens.
The Husband is looking all sad and says, "If the TV is fried I am going to be pissed."
Me, "No it's not fried it is probably just on the backup generator." I leave it alone confident the power will come back on fully soon...plus is replays again at 10PM.
I am walking back to the kitchen and WOOOSH! Light's go out...The Husband screams, "DAMMMMIIITT!" The lights are not coming back on...
Now you should always prepare an emergency kit, they are always good to have in case of any emergency...However, if you are not prepared with an emergency kit, know a gay. We have a full liquor cabinet, probably have something cooking and or a great cheese spread...but most importantly, if there is a power outage we have more candles than a Yankee Candle store.
I am going around with my 100 count bag of tea lights and filling up the holders on the fireplace, the ones under the Kinkade, the hanging Turkish Lanterns, the long wall sconce, the sconces in the bathroom...then I start lighting the pillar candles on the table, the pillar candle in the bathroom, the pillar candle in the bedroom, then the pillar candle by the TV...I stop to refill the butane in the lighter...I just made that last part up...but you get my picture.
I put the lighter down and look at The Husband wrapped in a blanket on the couch and he's all sad, I lean over and look at him and give him a kiss and say isn't this romantic? Hell, by the time I finished lighting all the candles it looked like the lights were still on!
I go into the kitchen and continue to work on the chili. I am tasting it and adding more spices, I'm about to add some pepper and I was totally about to pour it directly in and then I put my hand out...thank god because I opened the wrong end and got a handful of pepper!!!! I would have been so pissed...I grabbed a pillar candle and pulled it closer, then took a sip of my cocktail.
I look over and The Husband is calling the electric company. They say the power will be restored around midnight...he screams...now he's really mad.
Ten minutes go by and then WOOOSH! The power is on!
I say, "I told you!" The Husband immediately starts recording the debate...I chuckled and served dinner...it was fabulous.
Watch Your Drink,
The Stepford Husband
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