Showing posts with label Rick Perry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rick Perry. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Who's Bigger? Which GOP Candidate is Packing and who's Lacking?


The Husband and I have been watching the GOP Debates for quite some time now and we are curious, Who's Bigger?

Rick Perry:
We believe, based off his general character, mannerisms and stance, Rick Perry clearly is average, and I think he's OK with that.

Rick Santorum:
I personally think, and until I am proved wrong, my pinky is bigger than Santorum's Prick.  Why do I say this you may ask?  Have you seen his wife's face? No woman with a constant frown like her's is satisfied in the bedroom...just saying.

Mit Romney:
I think it's pretty safe to say that with 5 children and one very happy looking wife...It could be the millions of dollars her husband is worth too...but I think Mit Romney is probably packing.  Is he the Biggest?  I'm not sure.

Newt Gingrich:
It would be nice of me to say he is average...I think I passed the point of nice when I opened Adobe Illustrator...but let's be honest he probably hasn't seen it in years...did you know that for every 30 pounds of weight you loose you gain an inch?  Maybe if he doesn't become president he can be the next spokesman for Weight Watchers...have you seen what they've done for Jennifer Hudson? Maybe, the better question is, what did they do with the rest of Jennifer Hudson?

Ron Paul: 
He's a crotchety old man that pronounces words a little funny and he has some very big age spotted hands and just in general doesn't seam to give a damn...I would say that he might win this cock fight.

Now, if Herman Cain was still in the race it's probably a good assumption that he would have been the winner of this race, I mean how many mistresses and sexual harassment claims were brought up against him?  I always wondered how he came up with the 9,9,9 plan...

My results are assumed and until the mistresses start speaking out and "accidentally" sending their photo's to TMZ or other such news organization I don't think we will ever know.

Watch Your Drink,

The Stepford Husband 


Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Mr. Bachmann GAY? I Need a moment to fix my Gaydar!

The Husband and I were watching Fox News last night, the Iowa Caucus was on and it was quite an interesting showdown between all of them, all five hours of it. It really reaffirms my opinion that we need to fix our education system...because those bitches can't count!

But the interesting part of it wasn't who won but who wasn't even in the race...namely Marcus Bachmann, AKA Mr. Michele Bachmann.  Now, he definitely has a portly cherub sort of look to him, and while Michele was talking about marriage between one man and one woman, I looked over at Mr. Michele Bachmann and my Gaydar Spiked!  You all know what I'm talking about...

I looked over at The Husband and I said, "He is so gay!"

The Husband responded, "Totally, and it looks like he has herpes on his lip...Michele was probably back stage yelling at him, I told you not to suck that dick now look at you, and I have to go up on stage in five minutes!"

Me being the Google master, I hoped on my I phone and I started typing Mr. Bachm...second suggested search term was Mr. Bachmann Gay!!! Ding Dong the gaydar just started playing "It's Raining Men!"

As I am looking through the search results, I see one article mentioning Cher...Yes, Ladies and Gents The Cher...was watching him one night and started a twitter chatter about how she thought he was so gay, soon sequined and feather bedazzled Cher fans the world over were organizing and spreading the news that The Cher just outed Mr. Michele Bachmann...let's face it, if The Cher doesn't have a highly tuned Gaydar, I don't know who would!

No investigatory mission would be complete without video evidence, so I found this video.  Now, I recommend closing your eyes and listening...just listening, I think you will find that you hear little tiny Prada, Gucci, Fendi, and Louis Vuitton purses falling on the floor with each lisping, high pitched gay squeak!


Watch Your Drink,

The Stepford Husband

P.S. Did anyone else notice Rick Perry's extremely cross-eyed daughter?

Thursday, December 8, 2011