Joan Rivers Vs. the Drunk Whore Chelsea Handler

Joan Rivers and Chelsea Handler are in a feud over Chelsea's apparent disrespect towards Joan...I think this is absolutely fabulous!!!  I love Vodka as many of you may know, but I love Joan Rivers more and if they were in celebrity death match, Joan would win!

Don't forget to catch Joan and Melissa: Joan knows best Thursday's on WE Channel!

Listen to Joan's side of the story during her interview on Howard Stern!

Watch Your Drink,

The Stepford Husband

Who's Bigger? Which GOP Candidate is Packing and who's Lacking?

The Husband and I have been watching the GOP Debates for quite some time now and we are curious, Who's Bigger?

Rick Perry:
We believe, based off his general character, mannerisms and stance, Rick Perry clearly is average, and I think he's OK with that.

Rick Santorum:
I personally think, and until I am proved wrong, my pinky is bigger than Santorum's Prick.  Why do I say this you may ask?  Have you seen his wife's face? No woman with a constant frown like her's is satisfied in the bedroom...just saying.

Mit Romney:
I think it's pretty safe to say that with 5 children and one very happy looking wife...It could be the millions of dollars her husband is worth too...but I think Mit Romney is probably packing.  Is he the Biggest?  I'm not sure.

Newt Gingrich:
It would be nice of me to say he is average...I think I passed the point of nice when I opened Adobe Illustrator...but let's be honest he probably hasn't seen it in years...did you know that for every 30 pounds of weight you loose you gain an inch?  Maybe if he doesn't become president he can be the next spokesman for Weight Watchers...have you seen what they've done for Jennifer Hudson? Maybe, the better question is, what did they do with the rest of Jennifer Hudson?

Ron Paul: 
He's a crotchety old man that pronounces words a little funny and he has some very big age spotted hands and just in general doesn't seam to give a damn...I would say that he might win this cock fight.

Now, if Herman Cain was still in the race it's probably a good assumption that he would have been the winner of this race, I mean how many mistresses and sexual harassment claims were brought up against him?  I always wondered how he came up with the 9,9,9 plan...

My results are assumed and until the mistresses start speaking out and "accidentally" sending their photo's to TMZ or other such news organization I don't think we will ever know.

Watch Your Drink,

The Stepford Husband 

St. Regis Monarch Resort....Stepford Tested, Husband Approved

So The Husband had a work social event last week in Dana Point/Laguna ...aka...where 75% of the gays retreat to during the summer holiday weekends such as the 4th of July!

When you drive up you are greeted by nearly two story gates that even Julius Caesar would envy, you proceed down the driveway, gently passing the St. Regis Residences...yes, I said residences...I am sure with a healthy checkbook you too could live here!

When you reach the valet a very cordial woman will greet you at your car and will direct you as to which line you will drive up to based on the make of your car example, BMW, Mercedes, Range Rover, Porsche etc.  I am sure they have a self park section in case this intimidates you.

Next the valet will help you with you luggage if you so desire...then, you walk into an amazing 20' tall lobby with a 5' tall massive floral arrangement on top of a gorgeous stone table...watch out for the tufted stools their amazing ceiling fresco's will distract you and I would hate for you to trip over these!!!

After your check in I would take the offer from your Butler to direct you to your room as you will get lost.  This place has three pools, multiple ballrooms, six ocean-view five star restaurants, the award winning Spa Gaucin, and an amazing Golf Course!

Once in your Room, you will flip out!  It doesn't matter what room you get in this hotel...you will have an amazing view from your private balcony...personally I would get more of a courtyard suite...since we live  on the beach it can be quite windy...by getting a courtyard suite you can avoid some of the evening chill that comes with the ocean.

Overall, The Husband and I have stayed in a lot of hotels, I would say that this is the nicest, the second nicest would be The London in West Hollywood. So I highly recommend that you make your way down to beautiful Dana Point to the St. Regis Monarch Resort ASAP!

Watch Your Drink,

The Stepford Husband

 

OMG There are Two of Them...

As if one Multinational Baby Hoarder wasn't enough, now there are two Angelina Jolie's...stop the presses and watch this YouTube clip!

I will say though, I think she might be better looking. What do you think?

Watch Your Drink,

The Stepford Husband

Deliciousness: Mediterranean Broiled Chicken in 20 Minutes

We All have busy Schedules and hectic lives and most of us don't take car of ourselves when it comes to eating right...but, fear not because I am here to save you and your waist all in just 20 minutes!

This Mediterranean inspired broiled chicken is so quick and easy even the novice couldn't mess it up all you need is two pans...one for the chicken and one for the rice pilaf.

Mediterranean Broiled Chicken with Rice Pilaf

• 2 Chicken Breasts
• Salt & Pepper
• 1 1/4 Cup White Wine (Sauvignon Blanc is best)
• 1 1/2 Tbsp Oregano
• 3 Cloves diced Garlic
• 1 Cup Chicken Stock
• 1 Cup Chicken Stock
• 1 Cup Rice (minute rice is the quickest)
• 2 Tsp. Cilantro
• Olive Oil

*Cast Iron Skillet works best for this!
*1 Quart saucepan.

Wash Chicken and pat dry on all sides with paper towel, salt and pepper both sides. *If the moisture isn't removed from the chicken, it won't brown properly.

With Medium to Medium Low heat to skillet add Olive Oil and let heat up to almost smoking, Add diced Onions and diced Garlic, saute until edges have just browned, about 1 1/2-2 minutes. Set aside about 1/4 Cup of your browned Garlic and Onions.

Pour in white wine, add Oregano, stir, add chicken breasts, top of breasts down.  White wine will be boiling or almost boiling, cook uncovered for 10 minutes.



After 10 minutes, flip chicken breasts.

In your 1 quart Sauce Pan add chicken stock and about 1 Tbsp Olive Oil, your reserved Onions and Garlic, Cilantro, and Pepper to taste. Bring to boil. Add Rice, remove from heat, cover for last 5 minutes.

While your Rice is resting, you should have five minutes left on the timer. Cook Chicken Two More Minutes. Remove from heat and let rest for 5-6 minutes.

Plating:


While your chicken is resting, Plate your rice, then add chicken. Top the chicken with some of the Onions and Garlic from you broiling pan, garnish with Capers. You can also garnish the rice with a spric of Cilantro or Parsley, if you have it on hand.

Serve and Enjoy!

Watch Your Drink,

The Stepford Husband

HAHA: Another Gay Sequel sings watersports...Must Watch!!!

What do you get when you mix Rupaul, Lady Bunny, quite possibly the gayest men ever and a song about watersports? Another Gay Sequel of course.

The Husband and I happened upon this charming little film last night on Logo and besides the fact it probably put all of Gaydom back about 40 years it has managed to create a musical sequence about watersports.  If that's not talent I don't know what is...Watch and see for yourself...it's quite catchy!

Watch Your drink,

The Stepford Husband

Mr. Bachmann GAY? I Need a moment to fix my Gaydar!

The Husband and I were watching Fox News last night, the Iowa Caucus was on and it was quite an interesting showdown between all of them, all five hours of it. It really reaffirms my opinion that we need to fix our education system...because those bitches can't count!

But the interesting part of it wasn't who won but who wasn't even in the race...namely Marcus Bachmann, AKA Mr. Michele Bachmann.  Now, he definitely has a portly cherub sort of look to him, and while Michele was talking about marriage between one man and one woman, I looked over at Mr. Michele Bachmann and my Gaydar Spiked!  You all know what I'm talking about...

I looked over at The Husband and I said, "He is so gay!"

The Husband responded, "Totally, and it looks like he has herpes on his lip...Michele was probably back stage yelling at him, I told you not to suck that dick now look at you, and I have to go up on stage in five minutes!"

Me being the Google master, I hoped on my I phone and I started typing Mr. Bachm...second suggested search term was Mr. Bachmann Gay!!! Ding Dong the gaydar just started playing "It's Raining Men!"

As I am looking through the search results, I see one article mentioning Cher...Yes, Ladies and Gents The Cher...was watching him one night and started a twitter chatter about how she thought he was so gay, soon sequined and feather bedazzled Cher fans the world over were organizing and spreading the news that The Cher just outed Mr. Michele Bachmann...let's face it, if The Cher doesn't have a highly tuned Gaydar, I don't know who would!

No investigatory mission would be complete without video evidence, so I found this video.  Now, I recommend closing your eyes and listening...just listening, I think you will find that you hear little tiny Prada, Gucci, Fendi, and Louis Vuitton purses falling on the floor with each lisping, high pitched gay squeak!

Watch Your Drink,

The Stepford Husband

P.S. Did anyone else notice Rick Perry's extremely cross-eyed daughter?